Ninjas of the Caribbean

Hey, look – new stuff!

That is all. Carry on.

…Actually, it’s kinda small – this layout wasn’t designed for wider images. For the moment, click for the larger, but still so very primitively detailed version.

silent enemy within

a dose of loathing for myself
like an enemy within, gnawing through my chest
in the past i’ve fucked up relationships
more sure than i’ve ever been that
i don’t want to do the same now
the more sure i become, the more i doubt myself
not doubting my feelings for you
nor you yourself
but doubting myself ever being able
to give you everything you deserve

i love you more than i ever thought possible
feels like i’ve failed at everything in my life so far
or to be honest, not completely failed
but can never do anything right, like they should be done
work, family, just everything in life
not happy with where i am
and even though i’m trying to be better
always feel like i could be – should be doing better
feel like a burden to everybody around me
and that’s the last thing i wish to be to you

aimless

an aimless day
the mediocre weather
of unenthusiastic sadness
of apathy

a gentle, drumming rain
slightly too heavy to ignore
but too little to enjoy
clouds just one shade of grey
below depressing
a chill wind
doesn’t quite reach the bone

nothing to do
no goal to achieve
no passtime to enthrall
wine has lot it’s taste
music it’s spark
words their meaning
so just one more coffee
one more hour of gazing
at nothing

love is this

What is love?

Is it to watch the rising sun and the waning moon together, to gaze upon the interplay of subtle shades writhing across the atmosphere?

Is it to, as one, watch the seeds burst forth from the ground, to watch them grow and become grand symbols of life itself?

Is it to share cold nights together, far from the cares and worries of the outside world?

Is it to lie together under the stars, to walk together through the sunshine, to dance together in the rain?

Is it to see a kiss in a smile, an embrace in a glance, and a galaxy in the eyes?

Is it to be complete, fulfilled, to have the final, most important piece of the puzzle put in it’s rightful place?

Love is all of this, and so much more.

morningtide

The silent dance falls over me
And ashes tumble down
Moonlight gifts vision so pale
This world in which I drown
The cigarette slips from my lips
The wine tumbles to the ground
My muse steps in to save the night
Her arms wrapped tight around

She whispers softly in my ear
The inspiration strikes
A cure for apathetic days
And vacant, wordless nights
The pen held in white-knuckled hands
Moves of its own accord
Words that once seemed locked away
By her voice have been restored

The pieces, fragments fall together
As the night begins to glow
The fiery light not far away
As the whispers start to slow
The final words find their place
As the light chases her away
My muse taken back by morningtide
Until the twilight, when she comes to stay

never to end

The lantern dies, I close my eyes
Hiding from the multitude of lies
A world of deceit, a heart full of grief
An ocean covering the coral reef

Where lies my heart? Lost from the start
Or taken from me once, torn apart
Skies of flame over this hated game
Though it’s me who bears the blame

I could choose to fight, or instead take flight
But I stay here still through the endless night
Apathy within, black sheep of the kin
The occasional battle, but a war I can’t win

The tide flows high, the angels cry
Watching desire slowly die
Nothing left to mend, feel the sanity bend
Condemned from the start, never to end

ruins and a red nightfall

That fatal step, the flood of tears, sorrow
In this flickering light, wave of regret
Some velvet morning, maybe I’ll forget
And step back from the edge on the morrow
Until that morn, the whispers will follow
A glass of carmine wine, a cigarette
A focus other than the silhouette
That leaves a bitter taste, my soul hollow

When worlds collide, and where shadows do lie
This cold heritage conquers, demons laugh
And now I feel the cruel taste of winter
Dreadful hours, forever sour – the storm’s eye
Implore, seduce the dark on my behalf
Fragments of faith, the last karmic splinter

The wine, the quiet, a few words to scrawl
Regrets – just ruins and a red nightfall

the poet, the pendulum, and the muse that fled

Two pieces, neither my own, that are nevertheless descriptive of my own thought patterns and general frame of mind as of late. Firstly, a section of the first segment from Nightwish’s The Poet and the Pendulum:

The dreamer and the wine
Poet without a rhyme
A widowed writer torn apart by chains of hell

One last perfect verse
Is still the same old song
Oh, Christ, how I hate what I have become

Take me home

Get away, run away, fly away
Lead me astray to dreamer’s hideaway
I cannot cry ’cause the shoulder cries more
I cannot die – I, a whore for the cold world

And from Dan Simmons’ Hyperion:

“It says something about the type of writing I had been doing that my muse could flee without my noticing. For those who do not write and who never have been stirred by the creative urge, talk of muses seems a figure of speech, a quaint conceit, but for those of us who live by the Word, our muses are as real and necessary as the soft clay of language which they help to sculpt. When one is writing – really writing – it is as if one is given a direct line to the gods. No true poet has been able to explain the exhiliration one feels when the mind becomes an instrument as surely as does the pen or word processor, ordering and expressing the revelations flowing in from somewhere else.“

hollow-hearted, heart-departed

Hollow-hearted, heart-departed
Tears have turned to dust
Forgetting everything we started
And all that’s left is lust
Feelings that once burned alight
Have now been quenched in fear
Silent night, lonely night
No-one to keep me here

Hollow-hearted, heart-departed
I do only what I must
The fire died, never restarted
The emotions start to rust
I just don’t know what to do
Faced with this broken soul
Lost my single shining star
And left only a deep black hole

fallen facade

Crumbling all around me
These walls all fall apart
A solid shell to hide
A fractured, splintered heart
A soul afraid of waking
To the cold light of the day
Trapped in a silent coma
Never to find a way

With each night that passes
The protective shell falls down
And a weary mind can’t hide
It’s troubles from the town
What once was strong and safe
A facade to hide the core
Is broken, shattered on the ground
To reveal the weak once more