cold rain

lurking in every hidden corner
every shadowed scar in my mind
a feeling of isolation
visions of a better place
every other place but here

these days, long and cold
have stolen my drive
i need an out
somewhere else to be

take me away from this place
open the gates, set me free
will i ever break these shackles
now wrapped tight around me?

bring me up and out of here
escape these withering days
have i been here too long?
it feels like forever
never escaping, just keep returning
drowning in this city’s cold rain

hateful lover

The laughing Angel, high above
Blessed guardian of truth and love
The living essence of joy and life
A reborn seed, arisen from strife
In my sinful enigma, I never knew her
Instead gave devotion to my corrupt goddess

In shadowed tragedy I’ve made my way
A savage mortal, lost by the day
And during the night that lustful mind
Craves desecrated flesh, no other kind
And I still give revel in my ravenous succubus

From my sleeping masquerade never to rise
An unholy soul, creator of lies
A paranoid demon, deep within
Makes me glorify her blackened spectre

With immaculate aggression, I struggled for long
But the hunting demi-mortal broke me through song
Forcing me to worship my darkened messiah

Deep in the chambers of that evil temple
I give eternal praise to my lost mistress

I’ve surrendered to my hateful lover

dark city

There’s something eerie about today. All of a sudden a wave of heat swept in, making the already dark and rainy city that much more oppressive. The sky is nothing but shades of grey, the lake reflecting only darkness, even the fields of green grass to have the colour drained out of them. In between every unenthusiastic spattering of rain, the water on the now-hot concrete boils – for some unknown reason it’s worse around the lake, the concrete roads and parks covered in a swirling mass of steam.

It’s all somewhat unsettling – feels like this is a void in the center of nothingness, a vortex leeching the life from the city. Like this place, this half-empty lake, has become a gateway to purgatory, drawing colour and mist into itself, even as it spews forth a wave of hopelessness. There’s not even any animal life here, all the usual swans and ducks have disappeared. Sucked into the nothingness? Or were they smart enough to escape while they still had a chance? Like I should’ve done, and never come back. I’m not the only one who can feel this – looking at what few people are around, they all look jaded, ashen grey, apathetic.

Despite the growing darkness, I’ll be glad when the sun finally moves from behind the clouds to below the horizon. At least that darkness is natural and comforting, not this surreal shadow covering everything. In the true shadow of night, I can’t see most of this dark city. The lights come on to illuminate little pockets of hope here and there, and it’s something, I guess. Maybe that’s why I like the night so much, why I’m most awake and aware when the sun goes down, and only seem to want to sleep all day – it’s easier when I can’t see the world around.

And here comes yet another way of mist, like the ghosts of those who’ve wasted their lives away in this place.

Ballarat is like a poet’s city – beautiful in it’s architecture and design, inspiring in the right light, but more commonly oppressive – but without the poetry. It’s just a location and a backdrop, with no tale woven into it. Just a still frame from an old silent movie.

Gods, I want out of this place.

skywave

I’ve spent so much time lately
Watching the clouds roll like waves
I know there’s a reason why they do so
But I don’t know or care to figure it out

What I do know is that
These waves of clouds
Are like my love for you

They are consistent, constant, never-ending
Sweeping, soaring above with subtle power
I’m not sure from whence they came
What causes them, what drives them
I don’t want an explanation for them
Just to revel in their mystery

Every time you see the clouds
See the waves of white or grey
Know that my heart beats for you
Through every cloudy night and day

Ninjas of the Caribbean

Hey, look – new stuff!

That is all. Carry on.

…Actually, it’s kinda small – this layout wasn’t designed for wider images. For the moment, click for the larger, but still so very primitively detailed version.

silent enemy within

a dose of loathing for myself
like an enemy within, gnawing through my chest
in the past i’ve fucked up relationships
more sure than i’ve ever been that
i don’t want to do the same now
the more sure i become, the more i doubt myself
not doubting my feelings for you
nor you yourself
but doubting myself ever being able
to give you everything you deserve

i love you more than i ever thought possible
feels like i’ve failed at everything in my life so far
or to be honest, not completely failed
but can never do anything right, like they should be done
work, family, just everything in life
not happy with where i am
and even though i’m trying to be better
always feel like i could be – should be doing better
feel like a burden to everybody around me
and that’s the last thing i wish to be to you

aimless

an aimless day
the mediocre weather
of unenthusiastic sadness
of apathy

a gentle, drumming rain
slightly too heavy to ignore
but too little to enjoy
clouds just one shade of grey
below depressing
a chill wind
doesn’t quite reach the bone

nothing to do
no goal to achieve
no passtime to enthrall
wine has lot it’s taste
music it’s spark
words their meaning
so just one more coffee
one more hour of gazing
at nothing

love is this

What is love?

Is it to watch the rising sun and the waning moon together, to gaze upon the interplay of subtle shades writhing across the atmosphere?

Is it to, as one, watch the seeds burst forth from the ground, to watch them grow and become grand symbols of life itself?

Is it to share cold nights together, far from the cares and worries of the outside world?

Is it to lie together under the stars, to walk together through the sunshine, to dance together in the rain?

Is it to see a kiss in a smile, an embrace in a glance, and a galaxy in the eyes?

Is it to be complete, fulfilled, to have the final, most important piece of the puzzle put in it’s rightful place?

Love is all of this, and so much more.

morningtide

The silent dance falls over me
And ashes tumble down
Moonlight gifts vision so pale
This world in which I drown
The cigarette slips from my lips
The wine tumbles to the ground
My muse steps in to save the night
Her arms wrapped tight around

She whispers softly in my ear
The inspiration strikes
A cure for apathetic days
And vacant, wordless nights
The pen held in white-knuckled hands
Moves of its own accord
Words that once seemed locked away
By her voice have been restored

The pieces, fragments fall together
As the night begins to glow
The fiery light not far away
As the whispers start to slow
The final words find their place
As the light chases her away
My muse taken back by morningtide
Until the twilight, when she comes to stay

never to end

The lantern dies, I close my eyes
Hiding from the multitude of lies
A world of deceit, a heart full of grief
An ocean covering the coral reef

Where lies my heart? Lost from the start
Or taken from me once, torn apart
Skies of flame over this hated game
Though it’s me who bears the blame

I could choose to fight, or instead take flight
But I stay here still through the endless night
Apathy within, black sheep of the kin
The occasional battle, but a war I can’t win

The tide flows high, the angels cry
Watching desire slowly die
Nothing left to mend, feel the sanity bend
Condemned from the start, never to end